


family don't end in blood

by Ladystiltskin67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Baby, Brothers, Castiel Takes Care of Dean Winchester, Grocery Shopping, SPN - Freeform, Sam Winchester Takes Care of Dean Winchester, Sick Character, Sick Dean Winchester, Supernatural - Freeform, The Impala - Freeform, cas, cas kills dean, castiel - Freeform, sam & cas platonic, sam drives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 08:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15360261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladystiltskin67/pseuds/Ladystiltskin67
Summary: Cas and Sam have never spent a lot of one on one time together. A quick supply run changes things





	family don't end in blood

“Sam!” Dean yelled from his spot on the couch.

“What?!” His brother wanted something, he could already tell. When Dean didn’t answer Sam moved from his spot at the map table and slowly made his was into the sitting area.  “You bellowed your majesty?”

“Can it dork. Mom said you have to be nice to me.” Dean pouted

“What are you, eight? You have a cold Dean. You’re not dying.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Come on little brother…. How many times have I taken care of you?” Dean pulled his best puppy face

“Oh my God, fine!” Sam softened his voice. “What can I get for you?”

Dean smiled brightly up at his brother as Cas came to stand beside the taller man looking and feeling a little out of place. “Can you make a supply run? Some stuff for soup… and pie?”

Sam crossed his arms as he eyed the man-child in front of him. “You’re too sick to go yourself, you’re too sick for pie.”

“Saaaaammmyyyy please?” Dean knew that if he pouted enough he’d get his way.

“Whatever. But I’m taking the impala… and Cas.” Sam grabbed the keys off the table and began walking to the door angel in tow. Maybe getting him out of the bunker a bit would help the smaller man relax.

“Not a scratch on my baby Sam!” Dean yelled up to him.

Smirking, Sam yelled back from the stairs, “Cas will be fine Dean it’s just a car ride!” He could almost hear the blood rushing to his brothers cheeks as he chuckled and walked out the door.

                Inside the garage Sam settled himself behind the wheel as Cas took the passenger seat. “Not that I mind, it’s nice to get out of the bunker for a while… but why did you demand I go with you?”

Sam smiled gently at his friend. “It wasn’t a demand Cas. You don’t have to go I just thought it might be nice. We hardly ever get to spend time together outside of killing things.”

Cas mulled it over for a moment before responding. “Thank you Sam. To the store?”

“To the store.” Sam backed out of the garage into the road and switched on the radio. He fumbled with it briefly before landing on a station he was satisfied with. A soft melody poured through the speakers as Sam picks up speed. He looked over to see Castiel’s brow furrowed. “Something wrong Cas?”

“Huh? Oh no. It just feels different listening to something that isn’t rock music in the car.” Cas turned to look out the window.

Sam smiled to himself. Cas was such a Dean fan. It warmed his heart to see that his brother had such a loyal fan. “You want to find something?”

The angle squinted at Sam. “I though the rule was driver picks.”

“Yea well Dean’s not here, so you find something.” He was curious about what type of music his friend liked. He drove without rush while he listened to the radio flicker between voices and static. After a moment a familiar melody filled his ears. And then something he wasn’t expecting happened, Castiel began singing.

_“Loving and fighting. Accusing, denying. I can’t imagine a world with you gone. The joy and the chaos, the demons we’re made of. I’d be so lost if you left me alone. You locked yourself in the bathroom, laying on the floor when I break through. I pull you in to feel your heart beat… Can you hear me screaming please don’t leave me…”_  Sam kept his eyes straight ahead for fear the angel would stop. Very rarely did Castiel ever show himself like this.

_“A long endless highway, you’re silent beside me. Driving a nightmare I can’t escape from. Helplessly praying, the light isn’t fading ... Hiding in the shock and the chill in my bones. They took you away on a table I pace back and forth as you lay still. I pull you in to feel your heart beat. Can you hear me screaming **please don’t leave me!** Hold on I still want you, come back I still need you” _ Castiel belted out the song as if no one was listening. Not that he would care, his voice was one of the few things he wasn’t embarrassed of.  

The song was coming to an end and Sam couldn’t help but feel a small lump in his throat. _“I don’t want to let go, I know I’m not that strong…I just want to hear you saying ‘baby let’s go home’”_  

The last chord played and the taller man cleared his through to dissolve the pressure in his chest. “uh, wow, Cas that was … well it was beautiful.” He risked a sideways glance at his friend.

The seraph never was use to praise from the brothers so he murmured a “thank you” as he tried to make himself smaller. 

“No, really man. I’ve never heard you even hum along to the radio! I didn’t know you could sing.” Sam beamed at him and switched lanes.

“I don’t very often but it is something I enjoy doing.”  Cas had a small warm smile on his face as he stared out the window. A new song on the radio began to play and without looking the angel bumped one of the preset buttons.

_Heat of the moment!_

“Nope!” Sam quickly turned the dial for the volume. “Anything but that song.”

Cas looked at him questioningly. “I thought you liked that group.”

“They’re ok, Dean likes them more than I do but I can’t listen to that song.” Sam ran a hand through his hair as he made a turn. “When your brother was tormenting me by killing Dean every day… that song was the song that woke us up… every morning. All 103 times it was that song.”

“I am sorry Sam. My brother can be a little… dramatic.” Sam snorts at his response. “I know what that’s like though, to watch him die over and over again. At least it was at someone else’s hand and not your own.” Castiel looked down and fumbled with the hem of his coat.

“What do you mean?” Sam had been there nearly every time Dean had died and for a lot of those Cas wasn’t around.

“In heaven when Naomi was trying to ‘fix’ me, she made me kill him.” The smaller man steeled his jaw and squinted, suddenly becoming fascinated with a speck on the windshield. Sam didn’t stop him so he continued, “At first I wouldn’t do it. The very first time I thought it really was him. He looked so betrayed. She would kill him in front of me but it wasn’t merciful. She tortured him…” Cas took a deep breath.

“Is that how she got you to do it?” Sam’s curiosity got the best of him.

“Yes. Eventually it was too much. His screams and the look in his eyes still haunt me. The first time I shoved the blade through his chest was the first time I’ve ever felt real desperation. He cried for me to end it. In the beginning I tried many times to heal him without success. When neither of us could stand it any longer, when he was begging to return to hell where it was easier on him, I killed him.” Castiel’s voice sounded far away to his own ears. Still he continued because now that he started he couldn’t stop.

 “The second time I caved faster knowing the fate she had planned for him. Part of me new it wasn’t real but I couldn’t force myself to believe it. I still remember every single kill, each way that I ended it, how long it took, and every time it got a little easier. Naomi’s Dean tried multiple ways to escape it. He cried, begged, ran, he even fought back a few times. But, there was one that hurt me worse than all the others, the one that got me to stop for a while. She was so angry.” He felt simultaneously better and worse now that it was out.

“That’s why you tried to kill him over the tablet in that crypt.” Sam sounded strangled.

“Yes. She was in my head telling me all the things she had told me a thousand times before. I didn’t know he told you about that.” The angel sounded ashamed.

“He didn’t tell me all of it. Can I ask you something?” He really wasn’t trying to be nosey but he felt like he _had_ to know

“Of course Sam.” He couldn’t lie, he was a little apprehensive of what Sam would ask of him but he knew by now that his friend wouldn’t judge him.

“What stopped you from killing him for real?” Sam felt a little guilty knowing that Cas would answer him even if it made him uncomfortable.

“I told him I wasn’t sure, that I thought it was the tablet.” He had never shared his real theory with anyone before.

Sam could see right through it. “What really stopped you?” He paused for a moment knowing what it felt like to be put on the spot he gave the seraph an out. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me. But, I would like to know.”

“I hurt him. Over and over I hurt him. I broke his wrist, his cheek bone… He was on his knees before me and honestly I had killed him much faster in heaven. He told me that we were family, that he needed me. No one has ever said that to me like that before. It broke something in me and I realized that I was about to kill the first thing I ever loved. I couldn’t do it.” He hadn’t meant to be so forward with his answer but he couldn’t help himself.

“That’s what happened to me too at the cemetery when Lucifer was trying to kill him. I looked into his eyes and he told me that he wouldn’t leave, that he was there with me. It made me feel strong again. He’s been the only constant in my life, practically raised me. I couldn’t let him go out like that.”  Sam never had a problem sharing his feelings but telling someone else about his time with Lucifer made him feel raw.

“I’m sorry my brothers have been so horrible to you. I’m sorry that I have been horrible to you.” The angel knew he had never gone out of his way to be kind to Sam and reflecting on brought on more guilt.

“You haven’t Cas. I mean, yea we aren’t ‘bonded’ like you and Dean, but you’re my family too. I don’t think we tell you that enough. Hell Dean and I practically read each others minds so we don’t need to say it out loud, but I… and I think sometimes Dean, we tend to forget that we don’t always show you how grateful we are. You’ve saved our asses so many times, but I don’t want you to think that we keep you around because we need an attack dog.  Even when you aren’t bailing us out we still appreciate you. You’re a good guy and having you around, just you, makes things better.” Dean would kick his ass for being such a girl but right now he didn’t care. He knew what it was like to feel useless and cursed, no one deserved that. Especially not Cas.

“I don’t know what to say.” He felt the gratitude and something else he couldn’t quite place. “I will always be there for you and your brother. Like you said, we don’t have a profound bond but I do care for you.“ The words rolled off his tongue before he really knew what he was doing.

“Aww I love you too Cas!” Sam attempted to lighten the moment and reached over to ruffle the smaller mans hair.

Castiel let out a nervous chuckle and ducked his head. He new Sam was being playful bit no one had ever told him they loved him before. It made him feel a little less alone. Sam pulled into an empty parking spot and after shifting to park he killed the engine and stepped out into the warm air. Castiel had contemplated staying in the car but the expectant look his adopted brother was giving him let him know he was to follow. They wandered around the store trading small stories of favorite foods and the things they found unsettling.  They also took turns piling items into the cart and getting distracted by items they hadn’t ever used but found interesting.

“You want anything before we leave?” Sam knew the angel wouldn’t choose a food but that didn’t mean he couldn’t offer.

“Did you get the pie?” Cas remembered the last time there was no pie. It was not pretty.

“Yes I got the pie…Stop worrying about what my idiot brother wants. Is there anything _you_ want?” He gave the angel a look that said ‘just freaking pick something’

Cas wondered off a bit to look at a small shelf of books. When he wasn’t looking Sam quickly grabbed a box holding what passed for cherry pie. It wasn’t from the bakery but it would do. Cas came back holding two books.  “I don’t know which one to get.” A small crease graced his forehead. Without putting too much thought into it Sam quickly snatched both books from his hands and put them in the cart.

“Ready to go?” With one last warning glance at his friend he dared him to protest. Instead of an argument he was greeted with a smile and a nod.

They made it through the check out as quickly as possible. Mostly because Sam had taken it upon himself to flirt with one of the other cashiers while Cas took care of their purchase. Finally they headed to the car to load up what should have been a months worth of groceries but would no doubt only last them two weeks. The brothers could hold their own pretty well but Jack ate quite a bit when he did eat. And they always made sure to get Mary a few of her favorites just in case she stayed home for a while.

“Hey Cas?” Sam was feeling extra nosey today.

“Yea?” Castiel answered.

There was a bit of a pause as Sam pulled back on to the road leading home. “Do you ever miss being human?”

This one he had to think about. There were far too many time consuming, tedious, and some down right stupid things about being mortal. Some things the angel loathed with all his being like getting sick or feeling so cold it hurt, always being in danger of dying and peeing every few hours. However, there were things that made his time as a human bearable. He enjoyed eating and even now found himself missing the taste of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He missed _feeling._ There were certain sensations that weren’t the same with grace flowing through him. He missed what it felt like to stretch out on a bed and get really comfortable. He remembers the feeling of the sun warming his face in the early morning. The feeling of being held was his favorite. Even though his night with April was a tarnished memory it resonated with him. “Yes I do. I’ve quite often wondered if I will continue to be an angel once the world is, well not exactly in order, but at least somewhat more balanced.”

“I think that would be good for you if it’s what you really wanted. You deserve the chance to live.” Sam knew without a doubt that Castiel missed his wings and being at full power, but he also saw a glimmer just now when the angel spoke of being human. 

“I wouldn’t be very useful were I to do that though.” He knew he was needed. How could he possibly help without his powers?

“That’s not true Cas. You hold an infinite amount of knowledge, you’re good at hand to hand, you’re a decent aim, and if nothing else you’re good company. We don’t just need you Cas, we want you.” Sam got the impression that his loving, yet emotionally constipated brother had never conveyed this to his best friend.

“Are you sure of that Sam?” There’s no way he’d be anywhere as useful. Even now as his grace faded he felt more and more useless.

“Of course I am. Dude you’ve gotta stop being so harsh on yourself. When I was juiced up on demon blood I made the excuse of staying that way because I thought I was only useful to my brother if I could contribute to the cause. Turns out Dean felt  the same way and he proved it when he had the mark. It’s normal to have doubts but Cas, we’ve all been there. I don’t have powers anymore and I’m still useful.” Sam knew how hard it was to convince yourself that you have purpose. He’d done it too many times.

The remainder of the ride home was spent swapping battle stories. Castiel recounted the numerous smiting stories he had. He told Sam of his first fight in heaven and how Gabriel had been the only angel to beat him during practice. Sam told Cas the story of his first solo hunt and how he killed a vamp with his hands. This they could bond over fighting was familiar and comfortable to both of them.

As Sam pulled back into the garage he finished up his story. “I don’t think I’m as good as I use to be. I feel like Dean just gets better with every fight… Me on the other hand… Lately I get knocked out a lot.” They both chuckled as they exited baby to move the bags from the car down further into the bunker.

Dean looked up as they came into the sitting area after Cas had dispersed the items to their correct places and Sam had made his brother some food. “What the hell took you guys so long? You’ve been gone for over two hours.”

“We were getting your soup and pie Jerk.” Sam shoved a bowl and plate at his brother.

“Whatever Bitch…. Thanks.” Dean though he tried could not hide his excitement at the sugary treat in front of him.

“Don’t thank me, thank Cas. He’s the one that made sure we got the pie.” Sam yelled over his shoulder as he walked into the war room.

“Thanks Cas.” Dean studied his friend for a moment. After Deans scrutiny the angel finally took a seat in the closest chair.

“You’re welcome Dean.” He graced the hunter with a rare smile.

“You guys have a good time?” Dean wondered a loud.

Just as the angel was about to answer the youngest brother came strutting back into the room book in hand. “Here, if you’re going to sit here and torture yourself by hanging around this ass face you might as well read your book.”

“Thank you Sam.” As the taller man walked away Cas remembered that he had forgotten to tell the brother some of the other things he had purchased. “Hey! I saw you were running low on shower supplies so I grabbed some while we were there. I’ve put them up already.”

“You’re the best Cas.” Sam said with a smile.

“Yea love you too Sam.” Cas repeated his earlier words to him which earned the brunet an incredulous stare from the hunter.

“You two disgust me.” Dean mock complained to his friend.

“I love you too Dean.” Castiel had gotten attached to sarcasm over the years but it was even more fun when it was laced with the truth.

“So are you guys like besties now or something?” Dean couldn’t help but feel left out.

“We’re definitely  closer than we were this morning.” Cas tilted his head at the hunter.

Dean smiled when he realized Cas was genuinely happy about this. “Yea yea… just don’t forget about me ok?” The hunter attempted to hide behind a chuckle.

“Never.” Cas leaned back and propped his feet up beginning his book. He may not be one hundred percent comfortable with his place in the world but he felt more welcomed than he did before today and that was a start.  

 

 

 


End file.
